19.06.26

A moment of panic, the walk to the sea, the birth of Seaverses.

This morning was daunting. Sitting in my edit suite, I felt a swell of panic. I have been working for what seems like an age on this film, I expanded the timeline to see the big picture of how far along I am, and I haven’t even made a dent in my assembly. I am still at the beginning.

I’m wrestling with music currently. My plan for the film is to create something that rolls and washes like a dream, or a stream of consciousness, the music has to match that, but retain dynamics and agility, and be able to move the film on without becoming monotonous, or discordant, or too intrusive. So many things it needs to do.

My composer, who as well as being prodigiously talented is a saintly friend, and is doing this for nothing other than wanting to be supportive and the love of the work, has been pulled onto an actual proper paying gig. One with high ambition, status and workload.

I’m happy for him, these opportunities don’t come around too often, and it’s a great one. But it’s left me a bit stuck with the music - just in terms of being able to discuss it, hear where it’s going, I can’t quite find the right reference.

I’ve circled this project for a while, it’s lived in a partial, developmental state for months, and after exiting the company I felt that it was becoming a roadblock, that I needed to try and push through and make it something.

But I also have to support my family, and to have some sense of where I go next over the long term. This morning the film feels like an exercise in frivolity and self-indulgence, sitting staring at a timeline where the end isn’t even in sight.

I got up and headed to the beach to grab my photo. It’s a glorious day, as soon as I came round the corner the sea opened up and my mood lifted. Blue skies, light spinning off the water. I stood there for minutes on end, looking and listening to the waves. My thoughts started to unclutter themselves: the timeline, the things that I don’t have, the things I can work with, the ideas, what am I going to do about the music? The uncertainties; all washed out to sea.

Heading back to the edit suite I felt some fresh inspiration, and I’m now being invaded by other creative ideas – must push them out and stay focussed on the main event, which is to wrestle this film to the ground. And then think about what comes next.

I think I might share these shots on a blog or Substack.